Divorce is not your child’s fault, so why do they think it is?

As an adult, you know that the divorce is not your child’s fault. Maybe you blame yourself, or perhaps you blame your ex. Maybe you just know that it was due to a lot of factors that were outside of your control. Either way, it’s definitely not your child’s fault.

However, it has become clear to you that your child certainly blames themself for the divorce. Why is this?

Different stages in brain development affect perspective

The problem could be the way that a child’s brain develops. Especially when children are young, they tend to be focused only on themselves. They view everything that happens through that lens.

In other words, it’s impossible for your child to think about how the divorce is happening without assuming that it relates to them in some way. That’s just how they look at the world in its entirety. And, in many senses, they are proven to be correct. When they are rewarded or punished, it is often because of things that they did.

As a parent, it’s important to understand your child’s mindset. You need to talk to them about the divorce and assure them that it’s not their fault, even if you feel like this is obviously true. Remember that it may not be as obvious for your child.

Setting up a custody situation that benefits your children

Additionally, as you go through the divorce, you’ll have to set up a custody schedule that you and your ex can use. Take the time to carefully consider your legal options to see how you can put your child first.